Battling the beast

I’ve been battling the beast with great effort lately and I think it is taking its toll. Most of us have to battle the beast in order to survive. And one must enjoy the battles; otherwise it is not worth it. Yesterday I saw the Snake Oil Salesman and his posse. It seems that they are breeding clones there and the mold stinks. So I was frustrated afterwards as they are idiots plotting to rule the world.

Now don’t get me wrong, the last couple of months I made huge strides in defeating my beast, but somehow it seems to get a second life as soon as I relax a bit. Not that it is my fault; I’m getting sidetracked by the Brazilians who have joined me in my battle. Unfortunately they are adding more to my frustration than to my joy. Furthermore I have to contend with an ever growing beast. You see, yesterday the Snake Oil Salesmen told me in no uncertain terms that some battles have to be fought again due to some miscommunication. I actually inherited the beast and last week my fearless leader also decided to jump ship. So I have to lead myself. And it sucks, because I don’t listen.

The long weekend is also making it more difficult to focus on the beast. I’m not really in the mood for whooping ass, so I tend to stray and wander through the garden of knowledge. I tell myself I need to learn to defeat – and it seems to hold some water, although I’m not sure how Googling holiday spots will prepare me.

While battling the beast in Cancun, I had a wonderful adventure with Pedro Perez and Nacho Gringo. From this I learned 2 things: firstly that although fighting the beast can suck, it’s the adventure you remember and secondly you get the coolest barf bags on ferries. But this adventure will have to wait, as I need to do it justice. So returning to battling the beast, I’m going to turn Yoda on you.

There are certain rules to remember when battling the beast. I will call it “A guide to Battling the BEAST”. If I’m lucky someone will write a song about this. So here goes:

Rule #1:

While fighting the beast don’t try to show off before your leaders. They want you to battle because they don’t. When there is a new beast to battle, don’t go all: “I’ll do it!” while waving your hand in the air and sounding all cheerful. If it is really important, chances are you’ll screw up.

Rule #2:

Don’t be fool in thinking battling for long hours will pay off. It doesn’t and no one notices. In fact showing up first and leaving lasts just adds the burden of de-activating and activating the alarm system. Forget the little bugger and it is you who will be shot at.

Rule #3:

Carrots are blinding, don’t follow the dangling carrot. It is used to get you to do something you normally wouldn’t do. Ask yourself why you don’t want to do it in the first place. Besides, someone not paying attention to Rule #1 will get the beast.

Rule #4:

Always be prepared to run. If the beast is getting out of hand, run. Go find another beast, because if you get killed, you are dead. Be scared, not dead.

Rule #5:

Don’t be ashamed of blaming. If you screw up in the battle, blame someone else. If it ever gets to that point, find comfort in knowing that someone else blamed you! It’s a vicious circle – don’t be the one making it a line. It’s called a circle for a reason.

So go on, do your battles and remember the rules. You sure as hell won't end up with a brown nose, but you'll sleep better.