The art of a perfectly timed mind-slap

My weekend was pretty much spoiled by my endeavors with the Snake Oil Salesman. So I had Pizza, plenty of feel-good pizza. I reckoned that all that Carbo-Loading will provide me with the energy I needed to devise my strategy. Instead it made me feel sleepy. So I got up, stretched a bit and hit the sack.

The rest of the weekend I struggled with the Snake Oil Salesman. I considered that this probably isn't as bad as I think. I started thinking along the lines of diplomacy. Maybe showing my own weaknesses in an attempt too soften him up. You know, the little-kitten-big-eyes strategy.

What an IDIOT! Luckily Bruce Willis brought me to my senses during the Sunday night re-run of Die Hard 2. Diplomacy is for sissies! And although they teach you that violence isn't the answer, it does provide you with two things: first it makes you feel better, and secondly it can leave a scar! And I decided that this is the way to go. I'll use a perfectly timed mind-slap! Thanks Bruce!

Now mind-slapping is an art form not known to many. It does take discipline and skill to master. And you have to be patient, as the initial rewards do not warrant the effort. So as with everything in life, if you want to be good, you have to practice. So after graduating through extreme mind-slapping sessions through childhood I consider myself as (in real life terms) a black-belt! If I have lost you at this stage, think of a mind-slap as a Jedi mind trick. If executed correctly, it is beautiful. It can leave a whole room stunned. It is powerful ... so be careful.

In preparation for my meeting with the Snake Oil Salesman, I decided to visit with my team. The soldiers on the floor fighting the good fight everyday at minimum wage. I gathered ammo, took notes and basically got as much info as I could carry. And then it was time to make my stance.

Now being the Snake Oil Salesman, the confrontation turned out to be an away game for me. I walked into a room filled with people. Some there for their brains, others for their looks. They tried to distract me by offering me something to drink. But I was strong. I saw their plan and politely declined. The scene was set. It was time for action.

My nemesis started of with a "I'll start to...". I acted quickly to disarm him, blocking the first punch by getting up, rushing to the whiteboard, taking the marker from him and saying: "Let me start of with what we know". I had him. I knew it and he knew it. And I'm sure I could hear a faint sigh from his team.

From there on it progressed quite smoothly. I build up to my attack. Starting of slowly and then adding more as we continued. And then it was time. I used the big words! I just threw them at him. One after the other. At some point I even made up words. But I stuck to my training. Whenever he tried to argue something, I just gave him the eye. And I kept on slapping! It was a masterpiece. He was stunned. I ruled!

Now you might think that I was a bit unfair, but the truth is I hate to loose. I had to stand up for all of man kind. I did and I’m proud. The golden rule is: if you can't convince them, confuse them.